today is the second day that the worst new came..
i still feel so helpless, the only thing i can do now, is that i manage to control my tears when i'm going to visit her tml or tue. i dun really wish her to come back to work so fast, deep down, i wish she could just find another job.

but im still puzzle how this happen. it was so sudden.. she was just fine on fri. like normal eating alot, smiling like a glowing mummy-to-be.
sat morning, when i reach office, didnt see her* i sense something wrong. cos she normally reach very early..
and then my boss break this news to me. i drop on my chair, sobbing hard.
i cant belive it, really cant.
called belle to tell her..
belle called her husband to confirm. and it's true. (i wish they just play a joke on me)
it happen in the middle of the night when she have contractions and when she was sent to the hospital,
the "yang shui" have broke which it cant be happening cos is not yet due birth.
baby's eyes have yet developed.
she just miscarriage like..

^i rmb i was the first to knw in the office, when she came telling me this. i was so overjoyed.
bought lots of food for her, her craving, her big increase of appetite... ...
and the time she told me she knw the gender alrdy, is a "PRINCE"..
the time we deciding what to name him, how he kick his mommy, and once, he kick me n belle...
we took photos during this period, i wanted to make a journal for him, see how his mommy look...
ALL this cant be done anymore...

oh GOD, how could u take him away, he was so active.

the reasons?? none i could think of..
by guessing.. ppl say we cant buy any stuffs for the first baby, if not bad things will come. m i to believe it ??
then i will blame myself for buying things for him. blame myself for not taking good care of her.
her father said tat stress can lead it too..
then i will blame myself for not able to share the workload for her.
what shall i blame ..?

im totally down inside. but i promise to stay strong becos of her.
cos she's like my sister in the office. a very good one.